f) Family members and friends  Next g)

i) Family members

Family members have also to be able to deal with:

  • the changes in the family member because of the ABI
  • the responses to the family member in coming to terms with the ABI
  • their own coming to terms with all of this, and
  • the impact of the change on the family.

Family members have a key role in helping the person with the ABI recover.

Some of the key challenges for family members are:

  • understanding the injury and its effects
  • understanding the hospital and services network
  • coping with the person with the ABI and the ways they have changed
  • adjusting to family role and relationship changes
  • managing and dealing with the practical problems that need to be solved day to day
  • supporting family members and friends in dealing with what's happened and what's happening
  • supporting and planning for the future.

The emotional process for family members is not linear with a series of pre-known phases. It is more like:

  • a roller coaster
  • a struggle
  • working on the unexpected
  • moving forwards and having setbacks.

Some of the elements in the mix of what's happening are:

  • shock
  • numbness
  • guilt
  • denial
  • anxiety
  • anger
  • frustration
  • emotional relief
  • depression
  • grief and
  • acceptance.

Some strategies that can help:

  • sharing the experience with others who have had first hand experience of this
  • work closely with the members of the team
  • acknowledge there will be constant change
  • develop strategies for dealing with the day to day
  • develop strategies for your own well being
  • Recognizing the different issues for different family members - mother, family, spouse, brother, sister and children.

Rules of thumb

1. Understand the impact of the ABI on the person with the ABI.

2. Understand the impact on the family.

3. Be aware of the families need to develop strategies for working on the changes that have happened

4. Be aware of the families need to develop strategies to sustain themselves

5. Be aware of the families need to develop services and networks to support goals.


Parents of a person with an ABI said:

And the impact on you?

Father: Yes it changed our lives. I was just retiring at the time this happened actually and of course I had big things made out and we were going for a trip and all the rest of it and that all fell down. Yeah we spent all our time with Ian. It changed our lives there.

Mother: We just sort of went in a different direction. You know, we didn't have the things that we expected that would happen. Anyway, you know, we learned – well I learned a lot. Going out to all the meetings that there were. Any time there was a meeting I took myself of.

Mother: In the beginning I'd ask doctors lots of questions and half the time they wouldn't know. And every doctor's rooms – I mean I spent half my life in doctors' rooms, in fact, I made a quilt by hand – it took me five years that's how long, you know, sewing all these bits together, sitting down in waiting rooms and that's quite an achievement. It is on the bed now. But 22 years ago, there was no information. Every doctor's room I went into I picked up pamphlets. Anything to do with the brain I'd pick it up and take it home with me so I would perhaps learn a bit more about it.

But it took such a long time. And the recovery is slow and everybody doesn't recover at the same amount of time. And brain injury is so different. When you talk disabilities, people imagine somebody's just had an accident, you know, they are disabled. But brain injury is so different and the people are so different, their problems are different that even some of the professionals don't always get it right.

Father: The biggest worry actually is

Mother: After us.

Father: Life after Mum and Dad.

Mother: Yeah.

Father: That's the biggest worry. That's our biggest concern.

Mother: It has been for quite a few years but the solutions are not there really.
What would you be hoping for? What would you -

Father: We are hoping for somebody who is able to look after Ian's interests one hundred percent.

Mother: Yes, but there's no more Mums and Dads.

Father: That's the trouble. That's what we are looking for.

Mother: A pipe dream.

A caseworker talking about friends:

Unfortunately one of the things that we find when people do sustain an acquired brain injury is that a lot of friendships go by the by because people just can't understand the changed nature of the person that they used to know.

A lot of the time there can be no physical remnants of the injury. The impacts will be obviously brain related and it is going to be about speaking to a brand new person because the things that the friends could rely on before for that person, the shared experiences, some of that is missed.

So with friends we would explain to them that it is essentially the same person that they need to know that they need some new considerations when they meet up with them. It is about again explaining the nature of the injury to the friends, explaining that their friendship is still very important, although it has changed now.



ii) Clip 7. Impact, learnings, hopes (6 mins)

Ian's parents talking about the event that caused the ABI, the impact that it had, what they have learned and what they are hoping for. (This video clip is also included in Module 1)


iii) Questions

Answer the following question:

You are going to be talking with family members of a person with an acquired brain injury about how they are coping. The family is coming to terms with their situation. The family member got a serious ABI about six months ago.

You are running over in your mind key points that you might want to highlight during the conversation.

What are ten key points you would keep in the back of your mind?
   Check your answers here

1. Having a family member with a brain injury is one of the most serious challenges a family can face.

2. Families cope in many different ways.

3. Learn about acquired brain injury.

4. The person with the ABI will be the same but different.

5. Understanding how they are different is a key part of moving on.

6. The person with the ABI needs to be part of the decision making.

7. Identify specific strategies that help you deal with specific problems (labelling drawers, using memory aids, etc).

8. Creatively find ways around ongoing difficulties and see this as steps towards recovery

9. You are part of a wider team of people.

10. Sharing information will help with the provision of services.

11. Gains are possible but often slow in coming.

12. All members of the family have needs. Understand your family dynamics and your family's needs.

13. Everyone in the family will go through loss, grief and re-discovery.

14. The process of coping with a family member with an ABI constantly changes.

15. Families often have less stress when they actively try to find solutions to problems than when they avoid the problems trying not to think about it or avoiding dealing with it.

16. Looking after yourself is essential. Notice what forms of practical and emotional support your need and how to get them.

17. Having a break is OK.

18. It is OK to ask.

19. It is OK to complain.

20. Don't get swamped by information - look for useful information when it will be relevant to you.